We have to understand the past to embrace the future. Much of how we react as parents is based on what we experienced as children. Trauma therapist, Morgan Pommells, named some common patterns, which reflect past wounds:
• Refusing to apologize because you’re the parent & you know best
• Giving people the silent treatment when you’re upset
• Using shame to manipulate children (“Nobody will like you if…”)
• Believing your child should be grateful because you feed & house them
• Saying “I guess I’m the worst parent” when children share how they feel
• Calling your child dramatic when they are genuinely upset
• Treating siblings differently, indicating a clear favourite
• Depending on children for emotional support, the way you would with a partner
• Weaponing the other parent against them (“You’re acting just like your father!”)
If you remember these patterns in your parents, or recognize them in yourself, this is an invitation to stop and reflect. We need to heal from our own wounds, so we do not repeat these patterns with our children.
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