Parenting Challenges in the Global Village: A Summary

 

We thought we’d end this year’s newsletters with a summary of the talk by Ms Rukmani Ramachandran from Navadisha Montessori Foundation, as part of the series of talks from Indian Montessori Foundation (IMF). Her talk was titled “Parenting Challenges in the Global Village,” and the details were shared on the broadcast groups for all classrooms.

 

She began the session by breaking the participants in small groups to discuss what we perceived as a major parenting challenge. A list of challenges that came up were, inability to set limits for children, entitlement among children and challenges of parenting in a joint family. She said she would like to go back to the principles of Montessori theory and practice, as that is what we have most experience with. We would end up getting most of the answers from Dr. Montessori’s talks. Dr. M said she had ‘discovered’ the child. Humans have been on the earth for over 40 million years! In the light of this knowledge, it is a very weighty statement to make that she has “discovered” the child! She believed that we don’t actually “see” the child and that the child’s true nature is always hidden from us. She believed she had discovered the secret which made the child reveal themselves truly to us!

 

Humans themselves haven’t changed much from when we became bipedal and able to influence the environment around us with the large brains that we were gifted by evolution. Not much has changed from the early hunter gatherer times. Like them, we still look to orient ourselves when we go to a new place – we ask ourselves, where is the closest grocery store, where can I buy clothes; we look for a shelter and we tend to beautify the place we call home. Besides, the fundamental needs of food, shelter, and clothing, like early humans, we have spiritual needs of love of the finer things. For all that we profess that we have come so far away from the early humans, if we think about it, not much has actually changed.

 

So, in the light of this, why and what are parenting challenges today? We seem to believe that the life of the earlier generation was somehow easier than ours… If we think back, the generation that saw WWII probably thought that they are the generation going through the most crisis. This kind of puts the current pandemic in perspective. Montessori’s ideas transcend time. They focus on the unchanging! The child is born in a timeless world.

 

If we were to look at parents from all generations, they, from time immemorial, have wanted a good, happy life for their children. Our challenge today is: how do we support our child to lead a good happy life? Our environment today confuses even us, as adults! How do we help this child in today’s confusing times? She gave an example of the mall which is not just a physical space selling goods alone. They sell dreams, they sell a lifestyle, a “need” that we do not have! It is in this confusing physical, moral, emotional, intellectual environment that we must raise children. How do we identify these problems in order to solve them? Sometimes, we are so tired and anxious that it affects the way we engage with our children.

 

She moved onto what she believes is a key challenge that we face today – we don’t have time today! We jump into the shower, we spin around the kitchen, we rush to the grocery store, we are impatient at the toll plaza or the bill counter. So much so that we walk fast, talk fast, and want people around us to work faster as well. We multi-task all the time, thinking we are being effective. Many of us have not had an oil bath in years! Our lives are ruled by urgency and hurry!

 

She spoke of how she sees teachers these days in a perennial rush all the time as well. She spoke of her own anecdote when she was a freshly minted Montessori graduate and in her first year of training, she was exhausted by the load of work in school and she was perennially tired! She had built a sand pit under a mango tree that she spent a lot of money on (which she realised later that she didn’t need at all 😊). She would send the children away to go play after a small work cycle and when her trainer observed this, she came up to her and told her that the children didn’t need playtime; it was she who was tired. Why was she asking the children to play when in fact, it was she who needed a break? It was because she hadn’t looked at her own needs. When she became aware, the class transformed. What the children needed was devoted attention and time from the adults. Are we giving this to our children?

 

The child, on the other hand, is born timeless. He is born in the present moment and does not know the past or care to predict the future. He has all the time in the world! This is a huge challenge for the child, which calls us to awareness. The only way to snatch back time is to observe oneself. Until we become aware that we are rushing, we will not be able to help us and the child. As a human being we owe it to ourselves, to study oneself and be aware and mindful. We have to be worthy of the child.

 

So, this leads us to what she thinks is the solution. The philosophy provides us the answers. She urged us all to clock every activity of our day, in the time it took for one whole 24-hour cycle. This would help us a tool for reflection. We do not have time because we don’t know how to plan. Despite having all the latest planning gadgets and fancy stationery to organize our lives, we still lack time. Planning is an act of creation; it is a craft. A craft is a skill that we learn through experience. We cannot get it right the first time around, it needs practice… the first time we planned for a huge dinner party, something was sure to go wrong! When you build experience, then your ability improves.

 

In the past, during the 1940’s, cooking was much harder than it is now. Nothing in the shop was available readymade back then, so much so that even wheat flour had to be bought as kernels and taken to the mill to be ground and stored in large quantities, ensuring that it does not get spoilt. However, today, with a press of a button, wheat flour gets delivered at our doorstep. ‘Long term planning’ was a part of life then. Today, feeding into instant gratification, everything is available as we wish for it. Back then, most homes were frugal and simple things like Coca Cola, which needed to be shared among siblings, were a treasure to be cherished!

 

Planning requires long term thought. Where is long term in today’s times? When we don’t plan, we have to do things that very instant and this then leads to stress which we blame on the lack of time, and not lack of planning! Summer holidays in the 90’s were planned months in advance. Planning needs flexibility, a cushion for things to not go as expected. We choose not to do this and blame it on the lack of time!

 

Planning means saying no! She cited an example of a doctor’s appointment. If we know that we have an appointment to meet the doctor at 10 am, do we say no to the parenting challenge webinar which starts at 9 am and goes on till 12 noon?  We instead convince ourselves, that on the way to the doctor’s office, we will login to Zoom and listen to the seminar. We never end up fully listening, because we are constantly interrupted. All this because we have been unable to say no and prioritize! We have to learn to prioritize our day into what we would love to do and what we have to do. It ends up being that for most of us, what we have to do takes priority over what we love to do. That’s when dissatisfaction creeps in. In order to be able to do what we love to do, we will have to learn the art of saying no to a few that we have to do!

 

Planning can be enjoyable if we truly are able to think long term and work backwards in smaller chunks. Planning gives the room for pleasure! She quoted Dr M’s “Work is rest and rest in work.”

 

While this does not immediately strike out as being a parenting challenge, if we as a parent don’t have time for our children, then what are the children experiencing from us? They experience rush, hurry, irritation and so on. We are unable to focus on the small pleasures that the child has all the time for! The ant crawling on the ground, the flower that has just bloomed, looking out of the window and seeing the birds along with our children – do we have time for all this with them?

 

Children need endless time and need our complete focus and attention. Albeit, for a window of time, but do we truly give them that undivided attention? It is better to have one attentive adult to many children rather than having many adults for a group of children, who are on their phone, distracted by conversations with other adults, unaware of the child’s needs! When we have time for ourselves, we are relaxed, and so more present for the child.

 

She left us with the thought that, while being able to say no and prioritizing are key aspects of planning, any good plan is contingent on order, consistency, and routine. There is no human life without order. For adult life to thrive, we must establish a routine and order. It seems to be common these days for families to say that they do not have time to eat together as a family! She insisted that this is not a statement of pride and that each family needs to invest in planning to eat together. Food is most relished when done in a social unit together. This requires planning and adjusting for each other’s times so that the family can enjoy one meal at least together. This requires committing and honoring each other’s commitment.

 

This talk was truly inspiring for us a school. We have committed to introspect and see how we can plan better for the upcoming year and wisely invest our time.

Transitioning to The Second Plane: What to Expect As Your Child Nears 6

A remark that we often hear from the parent community is the magic of the 3rd or 4th year (depending if the child started their primary journey at 2.5 years or 3.5 years), when their child turns 5 plus and how many are looking forward to the magic. So, we thought it would be a good idea to address how and what needs to be done for this to occur!

We will start with a brief overview of what happens in that final year of primary classroom (3-6 years mixed age). This ‘older child’ who is now the role model or leader was once the three-year old, who was looking up in awe of his/her older peers and learned the skills of becoming a guide for the younger ones and can now easily navigate through the structure of the community. One of the biggest advantages of a mixed-age group is this community where children take on their roles organically with very minimal adult intervention. This child is now able to exercise the self-control that he has been practicing diligently and is able to place the groups needs above their own! They become the discipline keepers and typically tend to point out those that are ‘not following the rules’ Often this is perceived as tattle telling by the adult, but the child is merely exercising his/her moral compass. The egalitarian nature of the Montessori classroom reinforces to them that knowledge is to be shared and by helping another, we crystallise our own learning.

However, this does not happen automatically when the child hits the chronological age of 5 or more. This is more a culmination of all that the child has seen at home and in the classroom and absorbed as a part of his psyche. This could happen earlier for some children and later in others. These skills are fostered throughout a child’s time in the Montessori classroom and at home living life every day, gaining independence (provided it is offered to the child) and solidified in that final year. This really is, as Maria Montessori writes in the Absorbent Mind, ‘Education for Life’.

Montessori preschool, done well, is a 3-4 year cycle, where there is a partnership and clear understanding of how a child learns. They typically start at age three and spend a lot of time learning foundational skills during the next two years. They spend time learning to strengthen their arm, wrist and hand muscles doing activities such as pouring water, washing tables, transferring objects with spoons etc. While the direct aim is to refine the pincer grip, this aids in building the ever-so important Independence, that we keep harping on! All of this has a layered effect on the personality of the 5.5-year-old in the final magical year.

They also develop the skill of concentrating, by building the pink tower, fixing the puzzle pieces of the various continents and colouring in the maps and much more. Working in an uninterrupted manner is crucial as it affects the concentration which indirectly leads to poor sitting tolerance in later years. It also affects the confidence of the child and hence it is important to be aware if the adult has become the obstacle for this blooming child.

They are gradually introduced to the letters of the alphabet with sound games and by tracing sandpaper letters and will begin to build words with the moveable alphabet, and start to learn about math with number rods, spindles, and the bead materials. An in-built trait of all of these activities is the ability to choose independently, complete multi-step processes, focus for extended periods of time on a activity while building increasing social emotional skills such as asking for help politely and helping a peer with a task they are struggling with and more.

While all of this can be mechanically taught to the child, care needs to be taken to look for these subtler indicators of readiness. Learning only occurs in a healthy brain that is ready to absorb. While a child can copy off the board with enough repetition, true writing is an expression of the child’s inner thoughts. For that to occur, it is crucial that the child be ready with an explosive vocabulary which should be given in abundance in the younger years. A rich early-years foundation is key to the final year children being good readers and writers.

Having said that, once the child has honed these foundational skills, reading and writing are keys to independence. It is our moral responsibility to ensure that children are reading and writing comfortably when they can do so, else we will be doing them a dis-service. If the child is resisting any of these activities, it is key that we find out where the resistance is coming from and look for means to make it joyful. Art is one such powerful medium to encourage a love of writing and reading to the children copiously is a great habit to inculcate, right from infancy.

All of these are beautifully layered one over the other and so it is imperative that each layer is woven with care and attention. If all this occurs, then the magic happens in the final year, where the children make a huge leap in their capabilities. It seems like an explosion but is actually a well curated journey for the child. Montessori cannot be piecemealed as it is a delicately balanced structure that depends upon many factors such as the home and school environment not being too starkly different from each other, consistency shown by all the adults, a dependable routine for the child, respectfully set limits and adherence to boundaries and many such Montessori principles. The gift of this final year should never be taken away, as it sets the child up for future academic and social success, provided all these foundational tasks are set in place in the preceding years.

The Joy of Writing: A Teacher’s Perspective

Babies are exposed to a wide variety of sounds, from the cooker whistling, to pets barking and meowing, to cartoon characters emitting funny noises. Somehow, they manage to sort through all of these alien noises, and take away what is necessary for their own survival on earth – human language. They listen carefully and are soon able to not just respond, but also produce, meaningful words on their own. Children manage to figure out so much on their own – eating, standing, walking. Why, then, should reading and writing take any concentrated effort on the adult’s part? How come the child doesn’t just manifest these processes independently too?

In her book, The Absorbent Mind, Dr. Montessori says that for children below the age of six, ‘…nature grants them (of) learning to write without making special and conscious efforts of application and will.’ She talks about an ‘explosion’ into writing which starts when the child learns to talk, and culminates in their joyfully and spontaneously forming words, sentences, paragraphs, all on their own.

This may seem like a completely unreal ideal to parents who are struggling with children resisting writing. There’s no denying that writing is a far more nuanced task than the physiological tasks I quoted as examples earlier, such as eating or walking. These tasks are purely mechanical. Writing, on the other hand, requires dexterity that’s not just manual, but also intellectual. Both the hand and the mind have to be prepared in order for the child to eventually write. Rather than waiting until the age of five or six to start, the beauty of the Montessori method lies in the child slowly being prepared over the years, isolating one level of difficulty at a time.

When you pause to think about it, so much goes into writing. A writing instrument has to be grasped in a perfect pincer, with enough force to make a mark on the paper without tearing through it. Hand-eye coordination is required to move that pencil in the way you want it to. Visual cognition ensures the symbols we call letters are mapped clearly, while memory skills are required to associate each to the appropriate sound. Neural connections and auditory discrimination need to be finetuned to translate those visual memories onto paper in a recognizable sequence, in the left-to-right, top-to-bottom manner in which we write as a society. On top of all this, the emerging writer needs to have the resilience and discipline to labour through each of these steps any time they want to put a thought onto paper. Which brings us to the most important consideration – the person writing needs to have something to write about in the first place.

Over the three years a child spends in the Primary classroom, each of these skills are isolated and practiced in a myriad of beautiful, instinctive, developmentally appropriate ways. I won’t get into the mechanics, because I firmly believe it is the school’s responsibility to ensure these aspects get addressed.

Instead, I want to talk about something close to my heart – just because someone knows how to write doesn’t mean they will. When children don’t write despite the mechanics being in place, it’s an opportunity to reflect.

Is there a point to their writing? We all agree that writing ‘I will not talk in class’ 100 times is a punishment. However, how is it that different from writing words like ‘cat’ or ‘dog’ multiple times? Worksheets and word lists rarely motivate children after the novelty value fades off. There’s no end goal other than submitting them for an adult to evaluate and be pleased about.

Compare this, instead, to writing out a grocery list of ingredients, which the child then takes to the store and gathers. Making up a recipe, dreaming up an experiment, creating an invitation to a playdate: all of these are examples of children writing down their own thoughts, and expressing their own preferences. It is a privilege witnessing a child’s first incredulous realization that the ideas in their head can be understood by someone looking at a piece of paper they worked on!

Of course, in order for this to succeed, the child needs to have ample practice having opinions and expressing themselves. Technically, the process of writing starts when your child is born, and you start talking to them – using rich vocabulary and expressing opinions, you are modeling the process of communication for them.

Do invite dialogue at every opportunity. It is vital to encourage children to talk for themselves rather than rushing to fill in the gaps in their sentences, or answering for them. This translates into them knowing their opinions are valued, and gives them the confidence to eventually transfer their thoughts onto paper when they are equipped with the tools to do so.

Are they the only ones writing? Children are remarkably astute. Just as they know to hold mobile phones carefully because the adults around them do, they also know what the adults consider unimportant for themselves. No amount of talking about how important writing is can inspire them as much as modeling writing can. Model writing exactly how you’d like your child to write – not as a chore, on a scrap of paper torn off randomly, or in a tearing hurry.

Treat yourself to good quality stationery. Find a dedicated spot in your house with good lighting and a flat surface to place your paper on. Play music, if that works for you. Consider your words carefully. Delight in taking the time to write in your best handwriting. Make it a ritual you genuinely find joy in for yourself, rather than a ‘teaching’ opportunity for your child. Children are good at sensing authenticity 🙂

When my daughter was just starting to identify sounds with letters, we would take turns forming words with magnetic lowercase letters on our fridge. I would also make her lunchbox doodles that were phonetic (‘big hug’ etc).

As she started forming letters, we would take turns giving each other challenges (‘List all the things you see which are red’ etc). We would write on a chalkboard easel to begin with, so that she could freely move around in between writing. Another favourite at this time was writing word labels for the things in the room (‘window,’ ‘curtain’ etc) and scrambling them, then matching each label to the object as quickly as we could.

We would also make posters for her room that were mind-maps on discussions we had, such as what she wanted to be when she grew up, or what to remember to do daily. When she was able to form sentences, we set up a post box in our home, and started writing letters to each other. She also has a writing station where she has pre-cut ruled and unruled paper in various colours with ribbons and other book-making supplies. All of these little ideas help us write whenever inspiration strikes, without any elaborate prep work.

Honestly, there are plenty of incredible ideas for pre-writers on online forums and Pinterest boards. If I were to sum up what worked for us, however, it was this: watch your child, follow your instincts, and enjoy yourself. Don’t stress about the mechanics such as handwriting or spelling. Remember that’s the school’s job, and they’ll reach out if they need further help from home. As parents, we get to enjoy sparking passion in our children and watching them find their own motivation for writing!

The Myth of Gender Equality

Thanks to Mr. Arun (Father of Maya, Serenity) for sharing his thoughts on gender equality in parenting!

I spent the first 17 years of my life in a conservative household where my mom would wake up every day at the crack of dawn, clean the house, cook breakfast and prepare lunch, before anyone else in the household even woke up. She would then help me and my brother get ready for school and ensure my dad’s lunch was packed before leaving for office. She would spend the next 10 hours in commute and office work. On the way back from the office, she would buy groceries and vegetables for the rest of the week. Then, she’d get down to preparing dinner for the family and feeding three men (who took all of this for granted for years).

In India, amongst the elite class, much is spoken about gender equality, or lack thereof. I have indulged in this display of moral superiority myself. Most men I have come across consider this to be
1. A problem of the past – It used to happen in the earlier generation
2. A problem of class – It happens in low-income groups

Is this really true? Is this a solved issue?

Let me answer that by describing a typical day in our lives before the lockdown. We had help to clean the house. We had a cook who prepared meals for us. If the cook didn’t turn up, we’d order in. Our grocery shopping was online and it took my wife all of 15 minutes every week. I took care of the errands, paying bills etc. My wife was the primary caregiver to our daughter. She’d get our daughter ready and take her to school where she worked as a teacher. Whenever I could come home early, I’d play with our daughter for an hour or two. Gender equality = Solved problem in the Rao household. This is what I truly believed.

comfort room signage

However, the Covid-19 induced lockdown caused me to re-examine these beliefs. I’ve come to realise that gender inequality is a problem of default expectations. It needs to be examined from the lens of what we expect the default to be when the trappings of economic prosperity are stripped away.
– Who cooks when the cook doesn’t turn up?
– Who cleans when the maid doesn’t come?
– Who does the grocery shopping when the supplies are running low?
– Who is expected to spend time educating the child when schools are under lockdown?

I have a really demanding job as an entrepreneur. Somewhere deep down, I’d always believed that Akshaya was the primary caregiver and I was the primary breadwinner. I believed that the daily pushes and pulls of running a company gave me the right to take it easy on the other aspects of running a household. I believed that it was my right to be insulated from the mundane.

A few days into lockdown, I was in for a rude shock. My wife put in as much hard work, preparation, patience and time as I did into her work. While managing a demanding job, she was also the one cleaning up, planning the meals, telling me what to buy and keeping our daughter engaged while we both worked. In short, the comfortable had masked the ugly truth – We were not equal. We never were!

In all my meetings with male colleagues, I see them joining conference calls from a study table in a closed room. The female colleagues, on the other hand, join meetings while sitting on the bed with kids often interrupting them. I have not known men to relinquish their laptops because of their child’s online classes. It is the lady of the family who needs to work around her kid’s schedule. This “default” thinking permeates even the smallest of actions in our daily life.

Have my actions changed much? Unfortunately, not as much as I’d like. However, there is a higher awareness of my privilege as a male. Also, a deeper sense of what equality means and a bigger desire to set a better example for my daughter. I DO NOT want her growing up in a world where the default expectations on her are higher than those on her partner. I want a new normal for her, and it surely isn’t the one I grew up with, or the one she’s seen for the first five years of her life.

I promise to do better. Will you?

As we navigate long-distance learning, we invite parents to email us articles/thoughts/any fun ideas that your children have responded well to. We will regularly feature these in our newsletters and blog, as we believe the entire Anthea community benefits from our collective experiences. 

Playing with Connector Toys

Thanks to Ms. Rama (Mother of Zera, Serenity) for sharing her experience of learning through play with connector toys!

Connector materials/ toys come in a variety of shapes, sizes, structures and age appropriateness. They are essentially a part of constructive free play and can start as early as 6 months, going all the way upto being fun for adults too 😊! It helps children deeply understand structures and how things come together.

We happened to experiment with a basic set of straw connectors, which was sparingly used over the last year or so when we first got it, but during the lockdown both the kids, Z (5.5 yrs) and J (3 yrs) rekindled their interest in working with this basic set. Once they got very comfortable with the straw connectors, we then moved to stick connectors which are sturdier and more versatile in use, although they offer slightly lesser flexibility in movement.

This was one of the things that really worked for us as the children could sit at it for hours in a day and still are going strong with it at 5 months+. Often, their creative builds and our reality would clash, where what they called a dinosaur would definitely not look like one! But it was amazing to see their attempts to replicate objects around us and create some new ones of their own.

There are several known benefits to connector play, just highlighting a few which we noticed for sure:

  • Excellent boost to fine motor skills esp. for the younger kids, as they grasp and attempt to mould and exert pressure to make the connections
  • Imagination and creativity, allowing to make with their hands whatever their minds imagine and create lovely stories around the objects made
  • Basic geometry and spatial sense – Mind thinks of a structure and pattern and tries to replicate that using the tools available
  • Problem-solving, tinkering and experimenting – It gives the child immediate feedback on the work and an opportunity to self-correct with minimal guidance
  • Works great for individual as well as group play (in our case siblings)

One of the big advantages of connectors are they facilitate a high degree of movement of the things that the child makes, which allows them to explore more ideas than modular building blocks (while they are great too!). Initially, doing this together with the child and starting with basic forms (something simple like shapes) can also be a great way to encourage the child and give them confidence.

Building their own versions of different objects and forming structures can be so much fun for children and hearing stories around them has definitely been fun for us too.

As we navigate long-distance learning, we invite parents to email us articles/thoughts/any fun ideas that your children have responded well to. We will regularly feature these in our newsletters and blog, as we believe the entire Anthea community benefits from our collective experiences. 

Helping Children Acquire a Second Language

 

Many of our native languages are getting lost in urban India. As nuclear families and the workplace both encourage conversations in English, we often hear parents wondering how they can help their children acquire other languages.

Children are able to absorb language from their environment and easily learn how to speak, read and write if language in its various forms is present in their environment during the period of the Absorbent Mind (Montessori, 1949).

All of us would have observed how easily young children acquire language and build vocabulary. Children are born with an inbuilt inclination to imbibe language and communicate with others. From birth until the age of three, children unconsciously take in stimuli from their environment and shape themselves according to what they are exposed to. Language, too, seems to develop intuitively – the child is born with the ‘inctinct to decipher and acquire the language of their chulture’ (Chomsky, 2000).

 

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A child, therefore, has the best chance of becoming bilingual if they are introduced to additional languages as early as possible, during this sensitive period for language development. Further, unlike adults, who may have difficulty learning a second language, or say that one language is more difficult than another, a child in the sensitive period for language acquisition acquires multiple languages at the same time with equal ease.

Here are some of the most important things you can do to support your child acquiring a second language at home:

* Everyday phrases like “hello” and “goodbye” can be easily incorporated into the child’s day. Other repetitive commands like “come,” “go,” “give,” can also be introduced; first in a language the child is comfortable with and then repeated in the target language which you wish the child to acquire.

* Songs and poetry are another way to get children excited about speaking a new language. Daily repetition of these provide much needed practice.

* The mind remembers what the hand does. By incorporating movement into your multi-lingual instructions, you allow children to act out verbs like jump, run, skip, dance, sit, etc. The next step would be to add adjectives and adverbs for variety (“Jump quickly,” “Jump quietly,” etc.) Prepositions can add to the fun: “Jump quietly around the green chair,” and so on. This way, words are being layered on in a new language, in context; and the physical movemements will help solidify the words in the child’s memory.

* Most importantly, for the best results, remember not to restrict language learning to a specific time or class. The best way for a child to learn a new language is if its alive in their environment, and they can hear it constantly. Let them hear conversations with rich vocabulary in different languages. Research shows the television is an unacceptable substitute for in-person learning, because children acquire language when they are engaged in a two-way conversation.

It may take time and consistency, but we are confident your children will soon start responding to you in different languages!

Modeling Montessori Behaviour in the Home

The child watches everything around him from birth. Anything we do and say gets locked away in their memory, indiscriminately. In her book, The Child in the Family, (1956) Montessori makes this point very clearly:

The child is sensitive and impressionable to such a degree that the adult ought to monitor everything he says and does, for everything is literally engraved in the child’s mind. (p 40)Continue reading

Food For Thought: Workshop Summary by Ms. Suchitra Raghunathan

 

Food is one area most dear to parents and one that evokes the most emotional reaction! The note below is a summary of a talk by Ms. Rukmini Ramachandran, the director of Navadisha Montessori Foundation, Chennai. 

Ms.R spoke about how food is a very fundamental need and is extremely binding as a culture. Food has a larger reach than just a physical need. It has a whole spiritual angle to it. Food is used as a sign of friendship or rejecting food as a sign of anger! Despite this being so fundamental a need, she said that the most common question she has come across is that “My child does not eat”.

 

She gave an analogy of how an amoeba, a single-celled organism can find it’s way to food… there is no way an “intelligent” human being will ever go hungry without eating. She said in utero, the child gets nutrients automatically, but from the moment of birth, the child has to make an effort to eat independently. At about 6 months of age, when the child is just beginning to eat solids, we expect the transition to be quick, easy and fuss-free! 

A typical reaction of a child that is given a new food is to spit it out. We are very quick to label this child stubborn, naughty etc. The child is merely expressing his unfamiliarity with a new taste by this action as he cannot speak yet! We as adults have a hard time transitioning to a new city and its food but expect a quick transition from this child who is in the process of developing a taste, familiarizing himself/herself with different textures and is still in the process constructing himself/herself.

 

She spoke of how eating food is a sensory delight! We eat with our ears, eyes, nose, touch. Despite food involving all senses, what many of us tend to do is to very cleverly trick the child, by mashing all the vegetables that he does not like into the basic food so that the nutrients go into the child! Just because he spat it out the first few times, we have tricked him into eating it. So she dissuaded us from the practice and encouraged us to give the child clear consistent limits and be consistent in trying out new foods. 

She insisted that it is a committed practice and takes time and patience. She added that all this concern stems from the parents’ fear and love for the child which translates into unintended violence to the child. She was quite categorical in terming it as a brutal practice where we force the child to eat against their wishes because we perceive hunger as a bad thing! She dissuaded the practice of mini snack boxes and encouraged parents to allow children to let their children feel hunger! Read more from her talk here.

She said it was our sole duty to help the child become independent and help children to be able to eat independently with dignity. She pointed out the alarming culture where we are increasingly making food a chore and tying the children up physically in many ways (arms held down, high chairs with belts, distracting in front of media, etc.)and in the process take away his dignity because we as adults have more power over the child.

She pointed out that the size of a child’s tummy is as big as his fist and to feel full it needs only half of that to be full!!!! So the portion sizes that we seem to dole out to our children is unacceptable! Though the stomach is elastic, like a rubber band which snaps when extended too much, it is best that we do not engage in this practice of overfeeding the child. We should respect a child’s cue and honor it.

 

She said we as a society need to move away from this brutality and make food more enjoyable. Food is social and this process starts from as early as 6 months of age! She asked to involve all children to eat together as a family, happily. The child absorbs the language, the movement of how to eat independently, social interactions and makes it a part of his personality. We need to accept his choices and the choices are not about whether to eat or not, rather what and how much to eat and how quickly to eat! 

So many of our children have gone off track in this generation because we as a society have used force and coercion as a binding factor. The child no longer has a loving relationship with food and is misguided because he cannot judge for himself how much to eat! So if we are to bring this child back on track with a loving relationship with food as it was meant to be, we need to offer respectful parenting with dignity to the child. As a child gets older and closer to the second plane of development, we encourage the child to eat within a limited time to help facilitate the transition to the higher grades. Needless to say, this is done with adequate preparation as with any transition.

Bon appetit!

Packing School Food: From Toddlers to Elementary

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Rare is a parent who doesn’t worry about their child’s eating habits, particularly at school. We highly recommend letting the child themselves partner with you on their food journey. When your child gets involved in the preparation of their snack/lunchbox, they:

 

* Develop motor skills as they prep and pack their boxes
* Practice time management and discipline, which can help you with your morning routine, and set them up with skills for life
* Feel in control of their mornings, so are likely to be in a positive frame of mind
* Eat better, since they signed off on what was packed and won’t end up feeling unpleasantly surprised

 

How much your child can contribute depends upon their age. It’s best to begin as early as you can. Even two year olds are capable of spreading butter on crackers, cutting fruits with a butter knife, peeling eggs, and putting pre-prepared portions into their boxes.*

 

As your child grows older (4-5), they can be entrusted with washing, dry, peeling and cutting vegetables. This is also a good time to let them start making decisions on how much to pack in their boxes. Involve them in your grocery shopping (this is a great way to get them to write lists as well!).
Give them sole responsibility for filling water bottles and placing them in their bags. After a few weeks with reminders, do see if they can do this by themselves. Even if they forget to bring along a bottle on some days, we can provide them with water at school – but discovering the consequences of fulfilling responsibilities serves as a valuable learning experience.

 

As for elementary age children, aim for them to take full responsibility for their lunches by the time they are 9. Children must be able to go grocery shopping for the week with a pre-prepared list, prep for their food the night before or early in the morning, and pack it themselves. Do support them by helping them with alarms and reminders, as required. Elementary children can also take responsibility for cleaning their food containers at the end of the day.

 

As parents, you often face a choice: do something for your child, or teach them to do it for themselves? While the former is faster and easier for the adult in the short term, the long lasting benefits of letting a child help themselves cannot be overstated. Do set up a prepared kitchen environment, come up with a realistic plan for your family’s needs, and help your child get started. You will soon start seeing a happier eater!

 

*Please note that nuts are NOT allowed at school, as we have several children with life threatening allergies. Please refrain from sending in nuts in any form.

A Montessori Perspective on Reading to your Child

Studies across time and geographies agree that reading to your child provides them with innumerable benefits. Children who are read to as infants have a stronger vocabulary, and those who read for fun consistently show higher academic achievement in both school and college. In a classroom setting, it is easy to tell which children have a culture of reading at home – they are the ones who listen attentively, and gravitate to both storybooks as well as the opportunity to write for themselves. Now, if you were to approach a child with this compelling data, would it make them sit and listen to you read a book?

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